During my week in Wisconsin, I spent a day in Waupaca with a brother. After our hike, we took our shoes and socks off and walked in the sandy lake that we frequently visited growing up. I used to love collecting stones, rocks and shells. I still do. The vast colors and shapes remind me of how all of our lives have rich unique color and stories - some smooth, some jagged - yet despite the diversity, we share a commonality. Sometimes I will carry a small rock with me, in my pocket or purse. That may seem like a silly thing to do, but it serves multiple purposes. A pebble endures harsh conditions, yet years of wear and tear contribute to its beauty. A pebble reminds me to be strong; that, despite adversity, we must continue to not only carry on, but to shine in our own truth. It is a reminder to stay grounded in life to what is important; family & honest friendships,... It reminds me to stay in the here and now, savoring the gift that is today. It reminds me that sometimes you have to let the inner child out to run on the beach or to put your toes in the sand. A pebble from this lake also triggers pleasant memories that I will cherish a lifetime.
I am torn writing this blog today, about dieting and a number on a scale - something that seems so trivial as I reflect upon the past week. My trip home was both stressful and relaxing; there were happy moments and incredibly sad ones as well. I spent time with relatives who are losing their 21-year old son/brother/grandson ("Dylan") to bone cancer. His mother, a single parent, is battling breast cancer. A teenage daughter/sister is left to wonder "What is next?" and "Am I going to be alone in this world?" Several other relatives are facing chronic/terminal illnesses. I am so grateful to have the time and opportunity to travel back to spend precious time with loved ones. Yet my heart breaks for the painful struggles they are going through. Life is not easy. It is especially tough to witness a young man facing death when it seems his life should just be beginning. Situations like this tend to bring about more questions in life than answers. There are no good reasons. Life just happens. And it really stinks when life is cut way too short.
So I go on with my life while at the same time being very keenly aware of others who are hurting so deeply. I can relate to the pain of grief - of losing my mother to breast cancer at 15, and almost losing a brother to cancer a few short years afterwards, of losing grandparents and other relatives, and of losing my only child to estrangement,... I can relate to the desperation of wishing I could ease someone's burden -
- a brother who feels helpless as his wife battles brain cancer;
- his wife who tries to hold back tears as she attempts to articulate her thoughts and feelings while fighting an uncooperative brain;
- another brother who embraces his ability to care for his disabled wife day in and day out;
- that brother's wife who, in return, cares for his special needs;
- another who chooses a selfless life taking on the demands of being an active grandparent and family man;
- a stepmother who battles chronic pain;
- a father who, despite his own aches & pains, puts up a strong front for his wife, loving her endlessly;
- a friend who keeps on keeping on as she advocates for her husband's care while he battles the effects of chemo;
- that friend's husband who, despite his illness, finds special ways to let his spouse know she is loved and focuses on her happiness;
- an aunt & uncle who somehow divide their attention between their own serious medical issues, the grandson and sister who are both dying, and the daughter who has cancer;
- my friends who, despite losing their own loved ones to tragic violence and illness, continue to be a presence and sit selflessly with my stories,...
The list could go on.
My blog today is dedicated to Dylan. At 21 years old, he is aware that this month could be his last. He is aware that those around him have opportunity that he will never see during this lifetime. He is aware that life is painfully unfair. Yet he does not dwell on fate's iniquity. Dylan is a brave young man. He endures. He knows the preciousness of relationships. He knows that actions speak louder than words. He values family, especially his mother who is the only one who can wet his wash cloth the right way, and his sister, who continues to find reason to lift others' hearts and smile. Dylan lives on in his own truth. He makes the most of today. He is sincere. Dylan shines, and today he is my rock.
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